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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24180448">Forgive Me, Loki Laufeyson</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kleiodoscope/pseuds/kleiodoscope'>kleiodoscope</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, He's an asshole, Heavy Angst, Jotunn Loki (Marvel), Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Loki (Marvel)-centric, Odin (Marvel)'s Bad Parenting, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicide Attempt, TW!!!, this is inspired by my fave book, whew this is a doozy, which is forgive me leonard peacock</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 23:20:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,787</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24180448</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kleiodoscope/pseuds/kleiodoscope</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Four gifts lay before Loki.</p><p>One for his mother, one for the Allfather, one for his brother Thor and finally, one for all the Aesir.</p><p>Today is the feast of Jul, a time of celebration among gods and mortals alike. Today Loki will finally disappear once and for all.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>87</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Forgive Me, Loki Laufeyson</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i decided to post this self-indulgent fanfic i wrote for class two years ago. please heed the tag warnings.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The four gifts lay before me, all wrapped in the finest silk I can procure in all of the Nine Realms. I stand before them assured and solemn. I feel quite giddy seeing them, though I cannot tell why.</p><p>For the first time in many, many years, I catch myself smiling. And only for a little bit, I let myself.</p><p>Outside, Asgard is bustling in preparation for the biggest night of the feast of Jul. There’s a constant buzz of chatter and I look outside to see Aesir milling about from one place to another. Young children are seen weaving around the older gods busy with arrangements and transactions.</p><p>Jul signifies the beginning and end of all things. It’s when the day is at its shortest that Freyr rides over the nine worlds, bringing Light and Love. Meanwhile, the Allfather would lead the Wild Hunt along with all the brutes of Asgard, on his majestic steed, Sleipnir. It’s a majestic sight.</p><p>As a child, I would join the Wild Hunt with Thor, oftentimes only making a fool out of those barbarians. I would wait in the shadows and weave a spell to turn their weapons into snakes or put on glamour of a nightmarish beast to see how cowardly these high and mighty Aesir really are. Thor would often catch me sniggering after such antics and join me.</p><p>But that was a long time ago and things have changed. Needless to say, I stopped joining the Hunt.</p><p>I tear my eyes away from the window and focus on my task. There is no use in getting sentimental now. I gather up the gifts and summon my pocket dimension to store them. I instinctively reach for my magic and feel it coursing through my body. One of the few comforts that I have, and even this is frowned upon.</p><p>I glance at myself in the mirror and see the scars that mar my physique from the many battles I have had. One stands out among the rest and it still throbs painfully as I examine it. It does not look like a wound I would get from combat; it is a rune I carved into my skin. Its lines are outlined with dried blood and it symbolizes only one thing, oblivion.</p><p>This spell would be my final one. With this bloody rune, I will unravel my own existence, therefore erasing myself from all the Nine Worlds. Today, I will disappear without a trace.</p><p>Death is a transition to a darker world but that is not what I want. I want to erase myself, as if I never even existed, to finally correct the mistake that is my existence.</p><p>“You will be gone by the end of today,” I say to my reflection.</p><p>I put on my garb, take a final deep breath and head out.</p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Frigga, the woman I have come to know as my mother, is sitting in her garden, sipping tea while gazing towards the sky.</p><p>She looks peaceful, and I am reminded of the days we spent in this garden together. She showered me with affection when Asgardians would ridicule me for not fitting in with their barbaric ways. She taught me how to use my seidr and I finally discovered something I excelled at.</p><p>I spent day and night studying, learning and reading voraciously. My progress was staggering and I felt as though I can finally prove myself to others.</p><p>I later found out that this was frowned upon and I was cast out once again. They called me evil and dishonorable for using trickery in combat.</p><p>This did not stop me. I trained and became a master sorcerer, spiting those who called me weak.</p><p>Before I could approach her, she notices my presence and smiled softly.</p><p>“Finally, you’ve joined me for tea. I thought the day would never come.” The seat across her slides out on its own and she motions for me to sit.</p><p>I used to always join her, but as time passed, I became reluctant. Knowing that I was a Jotunn, the detestable frost giants whom my people have been at war with, how could I possibly bring myself to be with the Aesir? These are not my people, she is not my mother. I do not belong here.</p><p>I take my seat across her and she pours me a cup of tea. I relished the aroma it brought. It’s comfortingly nostalgic. I savor every sip, wanting to embed the taste in my mind one last time. We sit idly in silence, and then I decide to finally give her the gift.</p><p>“Mother, I have brought something for you,” I say as I take out the silk-wrapped gift.</p><p>She looks at me, her eyes widening slightly. “Really now? Well I hope you don’t keep me waiting, what is it?” Frigga laughs softly.</p><p>I hand her the parcel and she unravels it to reveal a delicate orchid of blue, glowing ethereally with a soft golden light. She eyes the flower with a stunned look, I hear a quiet gasp and I swell with pride.</p><p>“It’s… beautiful. Thank you <em>my son</em>,” she quietly reaches over and places her hand on mine and in that moment I feel as if things <em>can</em> go back to the way it was and maybe what I plan on doing today is unnecessary. I feel my eyes burn with tears threatening to fall. She notices this and a worried look crosses her face.</p><p>“Loki, is there something wrong?” she queried, holding my hand.</p><p>“Nothing, mother.” I shake my head. I can’t back out of this now. “It is simply the season of gifts is it not?” I smile but she grips my hand tighter.</p><p>“Are you certain?” She presses “Is there something you want to tell me? You know that I will listen, right?” She looks so worried and I have to gather up all my strength to not fall apart before her eyes.</p><p>“Of course, I am certain.” I clear my throat, retracting my hand. “Really Mother, you worry quite too much.” I run my hands through my hair to hide the way my hand is shaking.</p><p>“You are my <em>son</em>, Loki. Of course I’m worried. You’ve been far more aloof than usual, disappearing for weeks at a time.”</p><p>“I am touched that you miss me, Mother. Really, I am.” I jest, trying to make things lighter.</p><p>But Frigga continues. “I understand that you need time to yourself but I feel as if you’re avoiding me and everyone in general. Please tell me what’s wrong,” she pleads.</p><p>I want to break into a million pieces right then because I know she would act like this and it was impossible to orchestrate this plan without her noticing. She notices everything about me because she actually cares.</p><p>She is the constant in my life and that’s exactly what pains me. The fact that I’ve disappointed her time and time again and caused her so much trouble but she has never grown tired of me. Despite the disapproval of everyone around her, she loved me as her own.</p><p>
  <em>She does not deserve such trifles. A queen like her does not deserve a despicable Jotunn for a child.</em>
</p><p>I prepared myself for this; I would brush it off and put on a show like any other day. I clear my throat and clench my fist under the table.</p><p>“Dear mother, I know of your concern and I am grateful for it but I assure you that I am fine.” I gesture to the gift on the table. “I have been away to find you the perfect gift for Jul and I regret that I made you anxious. <em>I am fine</em>,” I say with a tone of finality, standing up to leave.</p><p>“Today will be a festive and merry Jul, mother!” I declare with the biggest smile as I walk away.</p><p>“WaitLoki! My son! Let’s talk!” I pay no heed to Frigga and turn my back from her, walking with tears finally falling down my face. I leave the garden and I feel her gaze on my back.</p><p>I ignore it the best I could.</p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p>           </p><p> </p><p>The next gift is for the Allfather, Odin Borson. The Almighty ruler of Asgard, the man I have come to know as my father. But I have never been a son to him. I am a spoil of war, a trophy to prove that he has conquered Jotunheim. I am not his son.</p><p>I know exactly where to find him at this time but I wander around, stalling for no reason at all. The golden walls of Asgard have never felt so familiar and foreign at the same time. There used to be a fondness as I recall spending my youth with Thor in these very halls. Now, there is only bitterness.</p><p>At last, I proceed to Sleipnir’s grand stable, where Odin’s tending to his steed.</p><p>"And to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?" he says monotonously.</p><p>"I have brought a gift, Father," the word rolls out of my mouth and leaves a bad taste in my mouth but I continue. "In honor of Jul." I produce the gift and offer it to him.</p><p>"Well isn't that a surprise. Pray tell, what in the Norns have possessed you to do such a thing?" he asks, without glancing my way. I grit my teeth.</p><p>"Well it <em>is</em> the season of gifts," I force a smile.</p><p>Odin glances at me and stares, scrutinizing. “Loki, if this is one of your tricks; I don’t have the time or the patience to deal with your nonsense.”</p><p>
  <em>Never mind patience nor time, you never have the desire to deal with me at all.</em>
</p><p>“Father, do you not trust me?” I smirk, biting back any remarks. My chest tightens with an all too familiar pain. I offer the gift to him and he takes it suspiciously.</p><p>A bottle of the finest mead for the Allfather. Nothing more is said or done and I am fine with that. I see him open his mouth to say something but I quickly leave before he gets the chance.</p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Thor, Asgard's future king. The true Asgardian prince, better than me in every way possible. I come across him participating in the revelry at the banquet hall. I gloss over the view of barbaric warriors drinking and wince at their cacophony. With the gift in my hands, I start to hesitate and begin to leave when I feel a familiar hand on my shoulder.</p><p>"Brother! Finally decided to come out of your little exile? Come! Join us!" Thor exclaims, gesturing at the guests.</p><p>"No brother, I simply wanted to see what all this noise was about and now I see that it was nothing of my interest, I do not wish to participate in such a rowdy gathering," I try to shrug off his hand but it’s useless.</p><p>"Brother, why do you deny me like this? I simply wish you would have a little bit of merrymaking—,” Thor’s eyes move to the parcel in my hands. I forgone putting it back in my pocket dimension as I hurriedly left and now it has backfired.</p><p> “Is that a present?" He looks shocked and he softens. I take this as a chance to shrug off his hand and conjure a simulacrum to prevent him from following me. While he’s distracted, I round the corner and proceed to the training grounds.</p><p>I sit down on one of the benches, checking to see if I lost him. I stare at the present in my hands and sigh. Thor just had to be a thorn in my side until the very end.</p><p>Sitting in the now empty training grounds feels eerie. The sounds of celebration sound far away and I feel myself drifting away from my own reality. Everything feels unreal. Even the memories of being here, training with Thor, don’t feel real. I can’t call the memories mine, and I feel nothing. Only melancholy.</p><p>"Brother," a gruff voice startles me from my reverie and I see Thor leaning by the archway, arms crossed and with a small grin.</p><p>"I have been subjected to your illusions for a thousand years, you cannot always fool me," he chuckles, looking proud of himself.</p><p>"Congratulations then. I thought you would be a half-wit forever." He ignores my snide remark and takes a seat beside me. I squirm with the urge to leave. We sit in silence and judging from his restlessness, he has something to say.</p><p>I could leave right now but I stay.</p><p>“Will you tell me about that present?” He asks, treading lightly. I want to say nothing and ignore him. I want to walk away, like I’ve always done. Everything’s easier that way. But with the circumstances, I have to face this now. I can’t have him getting in the way of my plans.</p><p>My silence makes Thor uncomfortable and he starts to ramble, like he always does.</p><p>“Who is it for? You’ve never given Jul gifts to anyone as far as I know. They must be really special.” He says rapidly. “So, who is it brother?” He continues like that until I become exasperated that I cut him off.</p><p>“It’s for you,” I say. He immediately shuts his mouth and stares at me. I place the parcel between us, not bothering to look at him. He takes it, carefully unraveling it as if it would crumble under his touch. A faint glow emanates from a small ring in the box and Thor stares at it quizzically.</p><p>“Do you not recognize it?” I ask.</p><p>“Of course I do. These rings were made from by the dwarves for us, as little trinkets. I thought I had lost it years ago.”</p><p>I’m caught off guard by the fact that he remembers such a thing. “You never took good care of your own belongings, I am not surprised,” I quip. I remember how Thor thew a tantrum when he lost it. I spent so much time trying to find it but when I did, I figured Thor didn’t want it anymore.</p><p>“Thank you, Brother.” Thor smiles genuinely. Not the type of smile that’s blinding and perfect, but one that’s soft and small. He puts it on and it glows green.</p><p>“That’s peculiar. I don’t remember it doing that.” Thor looks at me quizzically.</p><p>“It’s a simple yet strong protection spell for whoever wears it, since a dolt like you keeps getting into trouble.”</p><p>Thor raises an eyebrow and scoffs good-naturedly.</p><p>“Where’s yours?” he asks.</p><p>I reach beneath my collar and pull a chain where my own matching ring is. “Right here.”</p><p>Suddenly, Thor envelops me in a hug and it’s so painfully familiar. My hands find my way around him and I involuntarily cling to him, like a child. I hug him tightly, not caring.</p><p>“Loki?”</p><p>This is the last chance I have. What we had back then could never be brought back, but at least in this moment I can pretend. And that’s enough for me.</p><p>Thor breaks away and looks at me, his brows furrowed. “Loki, is there something wrong?” I shake my head weakly, not wanting to meet his eyes. It was good while it lasted.</p><p>“Is there something you’re trying to tell me?” he asks again, with that same worried look as Frigga. It’s striking and there it is again, the desire to crumble.</p><p>But I can’t. I’m too far gone.</p><p>“Hey, I’m being a good brother for once and you still make a fuss?” I say, in mock irritation.</p><p>“You’ve always been a good brother, Loki.” Thor’s tone is suddenly solemn. “It’s just that, you seem… out of sorts, more than usual. I would think this a trick of some sort but I am not quite sure.”</p><p>
  <em>Oh. There it is.</em>
</p><p>It was too good to be true. It has always been me and my tricks. I am the god of deceit after all, never to be trusted, incapable of doing any good to anyone.</p><p>“Thor, spare me the concern.” I chuckle bitterly. “You need not bother yourself with my silly tricks, as you would put it.”</p><p>I only made a fool of myself for feeling sentimental.</p><p>“If you do not approve of the gift, you could cast it into the void for all I care!” I say, running a hand through my hair.</p><p>“Just stop pretending you care when you do not,” I blurt out without thinking. I turn away to leave to get on with my plans before Thor could catch on.</p><p>“Loki, that is not what I meant and you know that.” Thor counters, surprised by my outburst. He grabs my hand, stopping me from leaving. “And what is this about me pretending? I’m worried about you,” Thor holds my shoulders and looks me in the eyes. “We all are. Stop avoiding us.”</p><p>“Avoiding you?” I actually laugh. “Everyone has always abhorred me to some degree. Finding out I’m a Jotunn’s just the icing on the cake isn’t it?”</p><p>I wait for Thor to say something, but he’s stunned in silence.</p><p>“I am vile and shameful. Why would I spend time with anyone here if I am aware of the fact that I do not belong here nor will I ever?” I stand up and clench my fists, fuming.</p><p>“What are you saying? You are a prince of Asgard, my <em>brother</em>—,”</p><p>“I am not your brother!” I snap. “You know that!” I can no longer hold back and tears flow down my cheeks. It’s a pathetic sight. “I can see it in everyone’s eyes, how they look at me with loathing!”</p><p>“How dare they? I would—,” Thor tries to interject.</p><p>“You? Who are you to understand, mighty Thor? You cannot possibly know what it feels to live in someone else’s shadow. You are the only prince they see. You are perfect in every single way so what use am I?”</p><p>“Loki—,”</p><p>“If you actually cared then you would’ve always been by my side. But no, pleasing Odin and those chauvinistic Aesir is far more important to you!” I march off and I see him get up to follow me but I skywalk before he could even say anything.</p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>I end up at the grounds where the Aesir are having their celebration of Jul and I lurk for my final gift. I unravel the last gift and it reveals a collection of runes I have prepared beforehand. I set the box in a clearing, strategically placing them in the field</p><p>I sit and ponder, idly waiting for midnight to come.</p><p>I don’t understand how I could feel this way. Despite how much I despise everyone, I still feel as though it is my fault.</p><p>It is my fault I am a Jotunn.</p><p>It is my fault that I am weak.</p><p>It is my fault that I am this way.</p><p>I should have been better, I should have been stronger.</p><p>I want to say that I abhor everyone who looked down on me but I am certain that I only hate myself for never being enough. I know that I cannot hate anyone more than I already hate myself.</p><p>As midnight approaches, I make my way to the Bifrost. Baring my arms, I recite the incantation to trigger the runes on my skin. It’s incredibly painful, my skin being ripped apart against its will.</p><p>The wounds reopen and I feel blood drip down my fingertips. I look back on Asgard as it looms in the distance. The runes I have set have begun to soar to the sky, twinkling in different colors and showcasing the history of the Nine Worlds in blazing glory.</p><p>My vision starts to blur and I can feel every particle of myself slowly fading out of existence. I see Thor running towards me, reaching out. But it is too late. The glittering showcase ends with Yggdrasil illustrated in golden fire and with a final burst of light,</p><p> </p><p>time</p><p>comes</p><p>to</p><p>a</p><p>halt.</p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>The next day I wake up.</p><p>I glance wildly around me, thinking everything was a dream. The bandages on my arms say otherwise. I am alone in an unfamiliar room and then the realization hits me.</p><p>
  <em>Thor.</em>
</p><p>I am in his quarters and I saw him before I faded away.</p><p>Yet I did not fade away.</p><p> I am here.</p><p>Thor enters the room and his eyes widen when he sees me. He rushes to my side with a look of relief and concern.</p><p>“Brother! How are you feeling? Are you well? I am glad I got to you in time, or we would have lost you,” Thor says in a rush of words. I am still at a loss and I cannot seem to get a hold of my bearings</p><p>“We?” I rub my eyes with the heels of my palms. I could barely absorb anything he’s saying.</p><p>“Well, I had to ask for the healers’ help.” He smiles lopsidedly. “You’ve been asleep for three days…You needed help.”</p><p>“I do not need help, I am not weak,” I spit. “Especially not from you.”</p><p>Thor frowns at this. There, that’s the expression that I know. Complete disappointment. I don’t have the patience to even pretend to be civil.</p><p>But instead of scolding me, Thor wraps his arms around me.</p><p>“I don’t care what you say. You are my brother, Loki. I know you are more than this.” Thor buries his face in my shoulder. “You are intelligent and mighty and it is a shame that not everybody knows of it.”</p><p>Now it’s my turn to be surprised.</p><p>“I only helped because I am the one who is weak. I cannot bear the thought of losing you and that it why I intervened. I am weak because I do not want you to leave me.”</p><p>I sit in stunned silence as Thor finishes talking. He grips my shoulders and looks me dead in the eye. “Do not ever do that again brother.” He says, eyes pleading.</p><p>Then in the smallest, most broken voice I’ve ever heard “<em>Please</em>.”</p><p>That sole moment with Thor would be enough for me to have a reason to stay.</p><p>Before I could respond, Frigga and Odin enter the room. Frigga looks like she had been crying, with bloodshot eyes and stained cheeks. Odin is the same as ever.</p><p>I feel how frustrated he is with me. It is absurd, in that stretch of silence, if Odin had just expressed even a fraction of concern or worry as Frigga or Thor had, I would forgive him. Not just him, I would forgive everyone and <em>stay</em>.</p><p>I want him to say that he was worried, or that he could not lose me, his <em>son</em>, without prompting.</p><p>“Loki, what is this stunt you’ve pulled once again?” Odin demands and I shrug it off, pushing forward.</p><p>“Were you not even the least amount worried?” I ask.</p><p>Odin looks at me as if I said the most ridiculous thing in the world.</p><p>“And why would I be? I know you’re only doing this for attention.”</p><p>
  <em>Of course.</em>
</p><p>Why would he care? I was foolish to even hope. I stay quiet as he berates me. I say what he wants to hear and that I won’t do it again.</p><p>I’m exhausted.</p><p>I dress myself and gather a pen and paper and leave the room. I hear Thor argue with Odin as I leave and I run into Frigga outside. I swerve to avoid her but she grabs my hand.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Loki,” she says in the sincerest tone, but now I can’t simply accept that. I shrug her hand off and leave.</p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>I have come across several philosophies as I perused the libraries of Midgard. Humans seem so keen on understanding everything and unabashedly rejecting what they cannot comprehend.</p><p>An example would be seidr.</p><p>It's something that's a part of someone’s physical body, weaved into spells using life force. Most knowledgeable Midgardians would refer to magic with an air of triviality as if it’s a silly little thing. If I were to explain it to them they would not be satisfied and ask for equations, numbers and such.</p><p>The problem is that they want to define things on their terms when they are simply out of their depths and still are eons behind of the knowledge they seek to gain.</p><p>It would be hypocritical of me to act that way, so I entertained what Midgardians thought of the way I felt fatigued and lethargic as soon as I woke up. How I would try to get past this with the activities I pursue during the day but find that it’s futile for I don’t have any strength to do anything at all. Nothing seems interesting or worth the effort anymore.</p><p>I felt suffocated. As if I could not tolerate the air in my lungs. It felt wrong to be breathing.</p><p>I could not bear looking at my own reflection because I know that my true form was a hideous monster that everyone detested. Even with my glamour, I am still ostracized and disliked by all. What was the use of existing if I was not wanted by anyone? No matter what form I take?</p><p>When the idea erasing myself became appealing to me, I went to Midgard to understand what I felt. Mortals think of it as a disease of the mind that caused ideas of self-deprecation and self-sabotage to invade one’s thoughts.</p><p>I was usually asked if I had thoughts of killing myself and I said no because I do not want death. I want to simply stop existing. There’s a difference. There were simply no more reasons for me to be alive.</p><p>They told me I needed help. They told me that I was in denial of the fact that I have low self-esteem and only act superior as a coping mechanism. This infuriated me and made me feel like my skin was being peeled back. I hated it and made me feel weak.</p><p>I am a god and petty humans cannot fathom how I possibly feel, let alone explain it.</p><p>I stopped asking.</p><p>I did pick up one thing. Humans who suffered from this disease would write letters from the future. From people they'd hope to meet in the future. What they'd want to hear from the people they cared about. The activity is supposed to give you something to look forward to, but to me it's nothing but a desperate illusion.</p><p>It sounds pointless and childish but I ended up writing a letter anyway.</p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p><em>I'm not one to write letters you know that, dear brother. I’m a senseless brute aren't I? But I have received word that you are planning on... disappearing? I believe that was the word you used. I do not understand what the problem is though, y</em> <em>ou disappear all the time to go off on your own adventures.</em></p><p>
  <em>Which is unfair you know? We used to do everything together and we would have gaffs and guffaws a plenty. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I am told that I should tell you what happens these days but isn't that silly? You are right here to witness these things. But I shall humor you. Though we spend most of our time ruling Asgard together, we always have the time for a prank or two. Your accords for the peace treaties you showed me last week were top notch and I am grateful for you being there for me as I rule.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The Aesir have come to adore your magic and the little ones always ask to be taught. They marvel at your prowess and admittedly I am jealous of the attention. You smile so brightly whenever these children stare wide-eyed at your illusions or conjurations.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I am now the king of Asgard but between you and me, if anyone's a king here, it is you. Asgard would be in shambles if I had to rule without you. It would not be the same and I dread the very idea of not having you here.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Even as I write this you are right beside me, your nose buried in a book of some sort. I was never one for the academics but you are always peacefully reading or writing when we get to rest. I have never seen you more at peace. I am glad you are here, brother.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I know not how you feel but I do know that you are having a trying time as you read this. I know you think you are unwanted, but seeing you right now at peace, there’s nothing that I’d want more.</em>
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  <em>Do not disappear for too long. I would miss you terribly.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Thor</em>
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